He or She's Just Not That Into You

I wrote this for my column "The Fab Five" when I used to work at the newspaper. It took a lot of heat but I still stand by my words. The people who complained were typically weirdos who waited to kiss until they were married.

Some people just don't understand dating. They think "no" means "yes" and the phrase "I'm busy" means "keep asking me out." These people need help. Here are a few signs he or she is just not that into you.

1. They only want to see you late at night. Can you say booty call! If people only call after 10 p.m., they've got nothing else to do and may as well hang out with you instead of watching TV.

2. They say they don't have a lot of time. I promise, if they like you, they'll make time.

3. You've never met their friends. There are two possibilities here: either they're ashamed to show you to their friends, or they don't have any friends, which could mean they have relationship problems.

4. They're always "busy." This is code for "not interested, stop asking."

5. There's not a lot of physical contact. If they're not kissing you, or at least cuddling, you're probably just a friend.